Will flirt for tires

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I’ve always considered myself a feminist. Always will, I hope. My first ever act of mini-rebellion was to get a small female symbol tattooed on my hip in the hopes of always remembering how important the cause of women’s rights was to me in my youth. I’ve attended many a rally for choice and have proudly donated to Planned Parenthood, NARAL, and NOW. Yet I found myself on Sunday questioning my dedication to the cause.
It was a Sunday like any other, I was trying to get my errands run which on this past Sunday included purchasing 4 new tires. Yikes, they are expensive! It’s one of those things you don’t have to do often, but when it is necessary the proverbial financial pain lasts for months. Ihad done my research online and walked into a Just Tires way out in Virginia that advertised its low prices and free tire rotation. It was just the guy who runs the place and I in the store and when he quoted me the price, and my stomach fell to the floor, ouch. I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit that I did not even hesitate as I looked up, batted my eyelashes and proceeded to flirt with the guy. After a few minutes he generously knocked down the price by about $75 making it hugely more affordable. He then got my car worked on right away and I was out of there with brand new tires in less than half an hour. As I was driving away, I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty; is it fair to call myself a feminist if I’m going to exploit my feminine charm to save money on tires?
I’ve decided flirting with this dude doesn’t mean that I’m comfortable giving up my rights or think men are entitled to make more money for doing the same work, and thus it’s not necessarily a feminist issue, but I wanted to share it anyway. I thought it was an interesting dilemma and am curious as to what others think. Have you flirted your way to a discount or some other unearned benefit? Did you feel bad about it?

Top 5 Delights: Berlin

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1. Biking! - There are bike paths everywhere and they are so well laid-out that people actually use them. Are you listening American city planners? Side walk for pedestrian, bike path for bikes, streets for cars so no one gets in each other’s way…well except when turning and when pedestrians don’t pay attention, but it does seem to work! It was a fantastic way to get to know the city and my dear friend Amanda and her lovely boyfriend Vallen rode in front and behind me at all time to protect my scaredy cat self. It was the first time I’d ever ridden a bike to get around a new city and color me converted! It was the best way to get the lay of the land quickly and see a lot of sights in a short time.



2. East German (DDR) Museum – Ever wonder what a mass-produce government regulated and subsidized wardrobe would look like? What about a car you had to wait 5 years on waiting list for the privilege to buy? What the interrogation room of a Stasi officer is furnished with? The East German museum has an interactive informative and hands-on version of it all! Endless pushing buttons and turning levers is perfect for a raging history nerd like myself; love it!

3. Pergamon Museum – Hands-down the most impressive collection of antiquities I’ve ever seen. They have an entire altar built by the Pergamon people and an incredible assortment of artifacts from Mesopotamia and even older! There’s a free audio guide that is very impressive and they have an exhibition on Muslim art and antiquities that is also beautiful.

4. East German Gallery – A collection of murals painted by artists from all over the world on pieces of the remains of the Berlin wall. They were recently re-furbished by the original artists and are in impressive condition. Hands-down the best thing to do in Berlin that is 100% free.

5. Food – All of the food I ate in Germany was absolutely delicious. Unlimited Sunday brunch buffet is a fantastic hangover cure, the currywurst (famous German hot dogs) with curry ketchup lived up to its name, and the diverse population provides for lots of fantastic ethnic options. We had some fantastic sushi, and the best banh mi sandwich I’ve ever had at two of these little hole in the wall gems.

On snobbery

Is refusing to date a security guard elitist or just pragmatic? Let me back up.

So as of a couple of weeks ago I re-entered the overflowing population of single women in the District of Columbia. I was still very much in the throngs of general post-break up malaise when I ran into one of the security guards from my office on the street. We made the same sort of banal small talk we always do and as we parted ways, he stopped me and asked if I’d be interested in having a cup of coffee with him. Cue FREEZE. The thought that we were flirting or making some kind of connection did not even occur to me and this was catching me completely off guard. I stammered awkwardly and shrugged out a sure why not as I attempted to get away gracefully. I failed at this as he managed to wrangle my phone number so we could, “coordinate.” Yuck.
As I walked away I realized he seems like a perfectly nice guy, reasonably attractive and that the only reason I had such a knee jerk reaction is our seemingly obvious class differences. I caught myself thinking I was surprised he thought someone who worked in the building would date him. Then I was horrified at how snobby my inner monologue struck me.

Now I never really thought of myself as a member of the upper echelons of society, having been raised by a single mother in LA who often struggled financially to support 2 kids on her own. Although she did manage to put us through Catholic school which led to a scholarship at a great University here in DC, we had to cut a lot of corners to get there. I also never used to think of socio-economic status as a dating criteria, and it shows in the diverse crop that makes up my dating history.

As I’ve gotten older and wiser, however, I take a lot more things into account when selecting someone I’d be willing to date. Looking at those I dated in my early twenties and comparing them to those in my mid twenties is night and day. In short, being choosier has served me well. So my plan is to have a cup of coffee with the security guard and politely decline further advances. Ambition is important to me and if it makes me a snob, so be it.

Homage to Slaughterhouse 90210

Any of you who follow my google reader know that I am an unabashed fan of the tumblr Slaughterhouse 90210. It's not a complicated concept: pair an ultra modern recognizable image from pop culture with a literary quote and let the irony work its magic! I can't explain why exactly I find it so delightful, but it tickles me every time. My love affair has reached the point in which I often find myself conjuring up these pop culture images while reading (nerd alert, I know). I had such a vivid one come to mind while enjoying Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections, I had to share.



"What you discovered about yourself in raising children wasn't always agreeable or attractive." - Jonathan Franzen



Now comes the really nerdy part. I actually wrote the tumblr author, Maris, my suggestion and she kindly responded right away to let me know she'd already used the quote. Damn she's good.

On Service

It's about to get preachy up in here y'all!

Those of you who know me know I recently started a new job. It's an exciting time that comes with an obligatory orientation that is usually filled with overwraught slide show presentations, sexual harassment videos, and HR policies. By and large mine was exactly what I expected. Thrown together with a group of people who work in all different areas and a smattering of college hires. One of those enthusiastic recent graduates was seated at my table and we got to chatting about how he came to choose this position. I asked if he had thought about pursuing some kind of service adventure(peace corps, teaching fellows, teach for america, JET, etc) before starting his business career path. He instantly rolled his eyes and explaine he had never been much for altruism and never even considered it. I swear I felt little pangs of sadness in my heart for him! The tender age of 22 and not even a thought for the good of the poor, the hungry, the earth, anything! Sigh.

Thank God what I was about to say to him was interrupted by the start of the next presentation. In walks a tall dark and handsome man in a polished suit that made me momentarily forget the young cynic to my left. He introduced himself as one of the senior executives at the company and thanked us in advance for listening to his presentation on...wait for it...SERVICE. Whaaaaa? After hearing about profit margins for hours, we're going to hear about giving what now? He opens with a quote from one of his favorite writers Marian Wright Edelman, "Service is the rent we pay for living." He explains his personal work on the non-profit group within the organization and the importance of giving back. I'm not doing it any kind of justice in my recap, but I was legitimately moved. Maybe he even reached the ambitious profit-seeker just out of school.

It doesn't require giving up your entire life, but take some time and dedicate it to a cause you believe in. I personally work with the DC Campaign to End Childhood hunger by enrolling low-income people in the food stamp program and tutor with a local charter school. I'm not single-handedly saving the world, but hopefully making a difference for those individuals I have worked with. If you don't know where to volunteer and you're in the DC area check out Greater DC Cares: http://www.greaterdccares.org/ for projects looking for volunteers.

75% the pay for equal work

The blog feministing (if you don't know, now you know! Read it!) put up a post yesterday citing a White House report that women still earn 75 cents for every dollar paid to their male counterparts. I mean am I the only one thinking what...the...fuck?

This is one of the most infuriating issues facing women today. It's also probably the least controversial issue falling under the feminist cause. Is this not the quintessential definition of discrimination? I do it, it's worth 75 cents, slap an appendage between my legs and the value goes up by a quarter. I dare you to concoct a reasonable argument that women should be paid less than men for doing the exact same work.

No the controversy in this issue is far more nuanced and difficult to address. The root of this cause is in how it comes about. Many women feel uncomfortable asking for a salary increase. We're raised to consider the feelings of others, and struggle to separate those feelings in a professional context. We'd rather not deal with the awkwardness of the conversation than get more money in each check. What's worse is that I see it as most prevalent in women working for terrific causes in the non-profit sector, education, and social work. It gets intolerable when I see these women feel a sense of pride in being a starving martyr for the cause. Stop it! There is nothing less honorable in fighting for a cause while being free to skip the instant soup aisle at the grocery store. You deserve to be compensated generously if you work hard and do your job well, period. If you are providing a huge value to an organization, it should be directed back to you financially. Don't brag that you never expected to earn much; start expecting it! You're helping the cause by setting a precedent that will attract talented future workers into the field and striking at sexism at the same time.

I'm not above these feelings that I'm rallying against. I feel the taboo myself in thinking that I will be perceived as greedy or materialistic. Then I remind myself that my boss is not personally attached to how much money I make, but rather the vehicle to getting a salary increase. It also doesn't hurt to take a look at my student loans and remind myself how much farther out of debt I can get with more money coming in as well. Whatever it takes, I psyche myself up and I ask for what I'm worth, because that's just it; I actually deserve it.

If you're reading this while thinking about why you really do deserve that raise, you should get up and talk to your boss about it right now! If you're an asset, your boss would rather pay a bit more to keep you than hire someone new; trust me.

Work-life balance

Those of you that know me well, already know I have a recently discovered appreciation for work-life balance. I had no semblance of this balance while I was in college working 2-3 jobs while I maintained a full course load to avoid slipping into that much more student debt. It actually got worse after college when I was working 12-14 hour days teaching in inner-city Houston, and finally improved when I moved back to DC and started consulting.

This delicious feast of free time has me completely hooked and re-evaluating my career goals in a way I never thought I would. I've wanted to be a lawyer for years and years and now find myself hesitating as I look around my lawyer friends and see not a one with a decent balance. I find myself pursuing yoga teacher training and even dreaming of owning my own yoga studio one day. I think about running my own consulting group in which I can spend months of the year traveling and being my own boss who doesn't have to work for hours on end. While it can be tough to grapple with the concept of what I want to be when I grow up at 26, it feels good to know that I'm making my health (both mental and physical) a priority and leaving myself time to relax.

Nigel Marsh is the bestselling author of books "Fat, Forty, and Fired" and has studied the ways to bring about work-life balance. In his TED talk below, he outlines how to make room for a full self with satisfying relationships, health, interests, and hobbies by taking control. Not making arbitrary gestures like joining a gym, but rather identify what you need and make it happen. It's so worth watching and only 10 minutes, enjoy!

On materialism: quality vs. quantity

Dollar dollar bills y'all.

I admit it. I like to shop. No that's a lie, I fucking LOVE to shop. It actually borders on pathological. If I really want to reward myself for something, I will take myself out to buy myself something nice. In spite of all of my rants decrying the fashion industry's many sins from glorifying anorexia to exploitative labor practices, I find my breath stolen at the sight of a beautifully designed couture gown. I sincerely believe John Galliano is a genius and I have fun dressing/accessorizing myself every single day. None of this is news to anyone who knows me.

So after getting through a nerve-wracking visit to the doctor's I decided I deserved the palmaccio scarf I had spent the previous day lusting after. It's too expensive and quite possibly the most beautiful item of clothing I've ever seen. It's a vintage silk scarf sewn over a vintage wool scarf and I love it more than most members of my family. OK I'm exaggerating (slightly), but it's gorgeous! I was joking about my absurd love affair with the scarf with some friends when we touched on the issue of materialism. Materalist? Me? No way! I compost! I'm an environmentalist...oh wait but I guess my scarf is a material. Am I just a raging hypocrite?

In my mind, materialism is a leech sucking away on American society. It's what causes us to think we aren't successful without a huge house, several earth-raping gas guzzlers, and every electronic device that a Best Buy commercial has ever told us to buy. There's never enough stuff and we should all dedicate ourselves to earning more money to acquire more of it.

I read a fantastic book on the subject by Annie Leonard called The Story of Stuff that profoundly affected me. Her fantastic online video sums up her thesis that our pursuit of stuff has consumed us at the expense of our health and our world. The rampant consumerism has caused a frantic need to produce huge quantities of goods at an extremely low cost. It's why you can buy a t-shirt at H&M for 4 dollars and socks at Wal-mart for 2.

The environmental cost of these products is off the charts. They are produced in countries with little to no environmental regulation and even less labor rights. The people are paid a pittance to bleach the shit out of that cotton and then make a home in the cesspool of chemical byproducts of that same exploitive factory. Believe it or not, I think of this book constantly when weighing whether or not to make any purchase. It has caused me to hold onto electronics until their dying breath and refrain from a lot of the new fads (kindles, ipads, etc). It's almost completely ended my patronage of those low-end stores and consequently caused me to buy fewer (but admittedly more expensive) items.

Now why am I ranting about clothes after admitting I love them so much? The point is that not all clothes are created equally. Let's take the $4 H&M shirt and compare it to the scarf that I recently fell in love with. Vintage is really just a fancy name for recycled and the two recycled pieces were assembled in France which has some of the highest labor standards in the world. As a consequence, the scarf costs about $150 more.

So am I suggesting that unless you can afford to spend over one hundred dollars on a scarf you qualify as a villain on Captain Planet? No. Obviously we all need to shop within our means.

I will say that I've discovered since changing my consumer habits is that I make slightly more expensive purchases, but so much less often! I track my spending on mint.com and I honest to god do not spend more money on clothes than I did a couple of years ago. I no longer dread finding my Forever 21 dress ruined after it's second trip to the washing machine and then rush out to replace it. I really love the things I have and don't settle for cheap junk as a result of needing something at the last minute. Higher quality goods will always last longer.

In short, I think there is a difference between quality materialism and quantity materialism, and I'd like to stay a proud member of the former. If you can afford to avoid those mass-producing environmentally irresponsible vendors, try. Love the things you possess and keep them precious and limited.

Sound bites and Buzzwords

The Sunday talk show circuit was predictably charged with a debate regarding the lame duck session's current fight over the Bush era tax cuts. Should they be extended and for who? The Republicans want to extend the tax cuts for all those currently receiving them including multi-millionaires and those in the highest income brackets. Democrats argue the economy could best benefit from the reductions being extended only to middle-class Americans earning less than $250,000 per year.

Democrats like John Kerry were out Sunday morning arguing that it is hypocritical for Republicans to insist that we can't afford to add to the deficit to extend unemployment benefits, but can to insure the wealthy continue to hold onto their huge earnings. Republicans like Mitch McConnell and Orrin Hatch were arguing that the economy needs the stimulus that will come from keeping all tax cuts in place. As I watched these debates with my morning coffee, I puzzled over why people are not more upset about this. How can Republicans be arguing that with our current levels of deficit the wealthiest Americans can not afford higher taxes? Prominent billionaires and millionaires such as Warren Buffet have publicly stated they should be taxed higher for the good of the American economy. It is well known that those in the highest brackets will not spend that saved tax revenue to stimulate the economy as the Republicans postulate.

So why isn't their more outrage? Why are average Americans not talking about this? Why aren't these deficit concerned tea party activists concerned about this unfunded tax cut? As I watched a conservative journalist rallying against Obama-care it hit me, the Democrats do not boil these things down to simple sound bites that can be vilified in 4 words or less. My party continues to try to use nuanced complex rhetoric to explain why their policies are the right one for this country, and it's not working. I hate the way the 24 hour news cycle and general political apathy in this country has reduced the level of discourse to tweets from prominent politicians being discussed more than a Presidential address. That being said, it is a major political party's responsibility to reach as many voters as possible. Let's start coming up with short expressions for these elitist irresponsible Republican tax policy. The millionaire's bail out, the sports car stimulus something that says that these cuts are a frivolous way to make the wealthiest even richer.

A moment of self-reflection

I was recently inspired by a friend's post on the things she's learned in her adult life. It provoked reflection; what have I learned in the few years I have been an "adult"? This train of thought eventually led to what ideas have been completely turned on their head between my first foray into the real world and today? The biggest one has definitely been in the workplace. Specifically what one's job says about who they are.

Like many starry-eyed co-eds I dove head first from the graduation stage into the world of non-profits. I joined the Teach for America program and gave my full trust to this institution of do gooders to ship me off to Houston Texas where I knew no one for 1000 miles in any direction. What did I have to worry about? I would be surrounded by people who wanted to make the world a better place. It was only logical that this would translate into multitudes of new friends. Without going into all of the gory details, it was not what I expected. A lot of my supposed compatriots seemed more concerned with the graduate/law/medical school they would be going to after the two years than the kids they were teaching.

Most detrimental for my purposes, the specific individuals working on my team (4th grade) were downright hostile. I was transferred into their team after from a Pre-K classroom and I was they always made me feel like an outsider. They were upset that the principal had fired the teacher I replaced and took it out on me. The department head in particular, a second year Teach for America teacher, seemed to have it out for me. She didn't look me in the eye the first few weeks and was hugely condescending when she wasn't downright nasty. We would have team meetings in which they would discuss the issues they had with my personality. The other bi-lingual 4th grade teacher (not with Teach for America) was a fundamentalist Christian who would openly discuss her opinion that homosexuality should be a capital crime. The combination of their hostility and the total lack of support I got from the organization I had put so much faith in made the challenge of a first year teaching in an inner-city school almost unbearable.

Fast forward a few years later and I am now very happy working for an IT consulting firm. Most of my co-workers got into this field for the fast paced challenge, but also the betterment of their own bottom line. I will not lie and say I wasn't motivated by the exact same thing. It's the kind of environment my collge-self would have imagined to be full of cut-throat self-serving assholes who care about nothing, but themselves.

I have news for that 22 year old idealist; the project I've been on the past 2 years is hands down the most collaborative work environment I've ever been in. With few exceptions, people are genuinely kind to one another. Some work for the company I do, some work for a competitor that sub-contracts with us, and some work for themselves as independent contractors, but on a day to day basis it's a team of people trying to accomplish something for our client together.

These corporate minions I imagined turn out to be soccer dads and carpool driving moms who come to work to make a living for their kids and leave in time to catch their ballet receital. Many come from other countries and are endlessly generous in sharing parts of their culture. If you've never tried a homemade curry, prepared by a solutions architect, you are missing out! I have become real friends with a few of these people and some are truly hilarious and silly. Others have given me major insights into relationships and family that I hope to put to good use someday. Best of all, they are truly a blast to work with every day.

Am I saying that everyone who works in the non-profit sector is a d-bag and those in business are saints? Obviously not. What I've really learned is that life is a lot more complicated than I once thought, and people's motivations are multi-faceted and complex. They can not be boiled down into broad generalizations, and to make judgements based on those generalizations is fool-hearted. Most people are trying to be the best person they can, and everyone is to an extent, out for themselves. The impact we have on the world is measured as much from the way you treat people every day as what you do for a living.